They got me a cake and present to say goodbye, it was really touching.

I got home and sat down at my desk and then realised that that was the end. Like, the end end. And I just sat there and cried.

Not because I’m not going to get to go to another meeting or because I’m desperate to stay at Hallam, but because I’m so amazed and so thankful at how much God has used Hallam CU to change me. It’s been a massive part of my life for the last 5 years and being there both as a student and as a Relay worker has left a mark on me that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I’ve learnt and done so much, made so many lasting friendships, been so challenged and tried my hardest to encourage others and to share the gospel. And at the end of it, all I can do is sit here and cry, in awe of God’s love and goodness.

I’ll never be the same, thanks to so many things and so many people. I am sincerely and eternally grateful to those people and to God. They, and ultimately he, has shown me grace, helped me to understand the astounding truth of the gospel and left me standing in the amazing certainty that I am forever to be loved and redeemed by God.

It’s the sweetest and the most shocking thing that my heart shall ever know.

And there’s such peace and joy from it that I don’t quite know what to do with myself!

My leaving words to Hallam are that of Philippians 1:3-11:

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.

I so pray that they would all truly know and experience God’s grace for themselves, and that they’d go on into the next year bold and courageous, confident that the gospel they have to share is truth and life to all who hear and accept it.

God, thank you SO much for all your mercies, patience, gentleness, love and care and most of all thank you for Jesus, without whom I would still be a lost sinner, outside of your loving forgiveness and grace. But because of his sacrifice on my behalf I can come before you, forgiven and clothed in his righteousness. I don’t have anything worthy of you, but in thanks and gratefulness for this grace, all I can do is offer my praise and give you my life. It’s yours for eternity.

I’ve got to the end of this post and have re-read it and I’m not crying anymore.

Instead there’s a little smile that’s crept onto my face.

It’s all just fond memories now

I SO wish I’d played these years ago, then I would never have given up on playing. It’s much more fun than typical music for the violin, I love it. All the pieces are really repetitive so the best way of learning is by hearing the piece loads of times and repeating bits until you get the hang of it. I did have the music too, but I made a point of trying to play it from memory. Great fun.

Some of the best ones I did were Drowsy Maggie, Jackie Coleman’s Reel, Toss the Feathers and Lough Erin Shore. I knew the last from from hearing The Corrs’ Unplugged album and I really like them!

Here are the Corrs doing Toss the Feathers:

Here’s a bit of Jackie Coleman’s Reel for you:

And I just came across Wordle. A wordle is a ‘word cloud’ that gives greater prominence to the words that appear most frequently in a text. My friend Mark did one of the book of Proverbs and I wondered what it would be like for Isaiah 1-6. I smiled when I saw the result, although I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. Once again I was reminded of how much bigger the Lord is than us people.

“This is what faith is – it is personally knowing Christ; it is understanding who he is and what he has done for us in such a way that we put all our trust and reliance in him.”

It’s not blind hope,  wishful thinking or just a comfort blanket. It’s real and it comes through knowing Christ and through understanding. It’s not unattainable.

Try reading an account of Jesus’ life and see for yourself who he is.

Even if you’re already a Christian and just feel like you’re lacking faith: read a gospel and pray that God would help you to see the truth of who he is again.

Don’t hope for a mystical experience, just open your eyes and see Jesus.

If you like chocolate,  drinking tea out of pretty china cups, or anything from Cath Kidston, you will LOVE Cocoa.

I can’t believe it’s taken me all this time to discover it.

Cocoa is Sheffield’s very own fancy Chocolate Shop; a perfect location to spend an hour or two sipping tea with some of your lady friends. It even has a book club, and a knitting club too.

I’ve always thought Ecclesall Road was great, but now I’m certain that it is absolutely FABULOUS and I shall be sure to make a few more trips there very soon.

Take a look at Cocoa’s website, or even better, go there yourself!

I’m not trying to blow my own trumpet, but I did find picking up the basics pretty easy and was playing pieces that are grade 3 after just a couple of months of learning. But now I’m not really sure what to do next. I’ve played a lot of the pieces in my books, as well as quite a few I’ve got from the Internet, but in the slightly more ‘technical’ book that I have, the next stages are ones I’m not ready for (like learning tenor clef, harmonics etc) so I’m not really sure what to try. I don’t want to keep playing the same pieces from the same books all the time because I’ll end up getting bored, but I can’t afford lessons to have a teacher tell me how to improve either.

Hmm.

I sent her this message:

‘Just in case you feel like you’re missing out on English Easterness I’m eating a hot cross bun on your behalf. Mmmm. xx‘

And the almost immediate response all the way from Zambia was:

‘Just incase you feel you’re missing out on sunshine and heat I lay by the pool and went swimming, getting a tan all day on your behalf xx’

Typical sister response! I can’t win! haha

I’m not quite sure how yet, but I think it may have changed my life.

It’s an honest, heart-felt cry for all Christians to become radical disciples. I was challenged by a thousand different things and cried several times while reading it. I don’t think my comments can do this book justice, so I honestly recommend that every Christian read this book for themselves.

Still, I’ll share a few of the questions I was left asking myself while reading this book:

Am I really living for Christ? What does it even mean? If I’m not living my life for Christ, what am I living for? Shall I just resign myself to a safe, sanitised, middle-class Christianity?

Am I storing up treasure for myself in heaven, or am I too easily pleased with hoarding my treasure here and now; treasure which is destined to perish?

How much am I willing to give for Christ? Everything?

What are my dreams? Am I dreaming big enough?

What are my prayers? Are my prayers big enough?

Am I going to wake one day and think of all the missed opportunities, risks I never took, conversations I never had, forgotten dreams, lives not touched, adventures not had? Will I see the person I could have been, that God called me to be, but that I never was because I was too afraid to step out of the boat…?

… Step out of the boat….

That’s a phrase I remember I heard Brother Andrew say once, and it’s stuck with me. I’ve been reminded of it several times since. I don’t want to suddenly realise one day that I’m old and that I haven’t done anything. I think I fear that happening.

But the only way that I can avoid it is by realising that I must give my life, my heart, my body, my time, my dreams, my hopes, my everything for Jesus and his kingdom. John Piper’s ‘Don’t Waste Your Life’ is crossing my mind as I write this…

Anyway, back to boats…

“A ship may be safe in the harbour, but to fulfil its purpose, it has to take on the seas; and no new land was ever discovered without the ship’s commander agreeing to lose sight of the shore he’d embarked from.”

This book has made me see and understand this better. Being a mediocre Christian isn’t good enough. Settling for ‘ok’ isn’t good enough. Jesus said that “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23) Taking up our cross means that we have to be willing to die for Jesus. Are you?

Millions of people die across the world without having had the chance to hear about Jesus. How is that fair? And what are you doing about it? Anything? Or nothing? Is your sofa and cup of tea more appealing?

I’m having a go at myself as much as anything as I write this. And that’s why you need to read this book.

I’m genuinely a little shocked that I found myself honestly echoing John Wesley’s ‘Covenant Prayer’ that was written in the book. It followed the story of a sermon on Romans 12 on the challenge to offer ourselves as living sacrifices.

The preacher called out from the pulpit, “Have you noticed that this verse doesn’t tell us to Whom we should give our bodies? It’s not the Lord Jesus. He has his own body. It’s not the Father. He remains on the throne. Another has come to earth without a body. God gives you the indescribable honour of presenting your bodies to the Holy spirit, to be his dwelling place on earth.”

I had to stop reading for a minute at this point. I had to think about what this meant. As a Christian, I know I have the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. Am I really willing to offer my body as a living sacrifice? Am I will to be his hands, his feet, his voice? I don’t have a choice. It’s all or nothing! I have to allow the Holy Spirit to work through me, I have to give my all for the sake of the Kingdom. After I realised all this I read Wesley’s prayer, and even gulped nervously as I actually meant it.

I am no longer my own, but yours.

Put me to what you will,

Rank me with whoever you will.

Put me to suffering.

Let me be employed for you,

Or laid aside for you.

Exalted for you, or brought low for you.

Let me be full,

Let me be empty.

Let me have all things,

Let me have nothing!

And now, O Father,

You are mine and I am yours. So be it.

And the covenant I am making on earth,

Let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.

So yeah, this book definitely changed my life.

What is it worth to follow Jesus all the way?

Everything.

“Your face, LORD, do I seek.”

Psalm 27:8

I cannot say my heart is pure,

no,

not because it is riddled with lust

or

stained with hatred,

but because it does not always long for You.

My heart longs

for comfort and ease,

for power and control,

for possessions and position,

for acceptance and recognition.

It longs for so many of the things

that carry the promise of

satisfaction

contentment

happiness

joy.

Yet, my heart is wired for You,

wired

to rest only in the rest found

in you.

It would be easy to reason

that I am okay.

I am not a thief.

I am not a murderer.

I have not stolen the spouse of another.

But this reality I cannot escape:

my heart is not pure,

because it does not always

long for You.

I have hated in my heart.

I have stolen with my thoughts.

I have lusted in secret.

I have done all these things

because my heart

doesn’t always belong to You.

Capture my thoughts.

Command my desires.

Submit my will.

Direct my plans.

Make my heart pure,

not because it is free of struggle,

but because

it no longer seeks

identity

meaning

peace

purpose,

that inner sense of well-being

in You.

When my heart finds life in You,

it will no longer

seek it in another.

I wish I could say I am pure,

but the battle still rages,

and rescue is still needed,

so that the longings of my heart

will not pull me away,

but wil draw me

ever closer

to You.

By Paul David Tripp, from ‘A Shelter in the Time of Storm’

… sanctification brings great joy to us. The more we grow in likeness to Christ, the more we will personally experience the “joy” and “peace” that are part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22), and the more we will draw near to the kind of life that we will have in heaven. Paul says that as we become more and more obedient to God, “the return you get is sanctification and its end, eternal life” (Rom 6:22). He realises that this is the source of our true joy. “The kingdom of God is not food and drink but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Rom 14:17). As we grow in holiness, we grow in conformity to the image of Christ, and more and more of the beauty of his character is seen in our own lives. This is the goal of perfect sanctification that we hope and long for and that will be ours when Christ returns. “Every one who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure” (1 John 3:3).

I read this as part of my study this week on sanctification (from Grudem). I found it both encouraging and challenging.

And that’s reason enough to share it with you!